SNORING

      So I have came to the conclusion that I think most homicides where the husband is the victim and the wife is at the trigger end of the shotgun barrel is due to SNORING. I believe this epidemic may very well also be the cause of many divorices world wide. What really causes someone to snore? Exhaustion, caffine, being over weight, layin on your side, rabbits? I dont think so...I think it is purly psychological. Why would I think that? Let me explain.
           When I'm in the living layin down, watchin T.V. I can barely hear my husband snoring, if he is at all. I start getting uncomfortable on the couch and I start thinkin' "Ya know, he aint really snorin' I think I'm gonna crawl into bed." So I get my pillow and start walkin down the hallway, I open the door, I crawl into bed and get myself all in the comfy zone.
          You know what Im talkin about, "the comfy zone" right? It's wear you got your arms and legs and head and neck all perfectly set into place. If you're like me you're layin on your belly with one leg all cocked up with your knee almost in yo face and your butt in the air. You're huggin your pillow perfectly where your neck is supported but your not layin on your arms gettin "dead arm" for once. You're wrapped up in your blanket like a damn body bag cuz your so frickin' comfortable that you think you may just stay this way forever cuz you dont know how you got to the "comfy zone" and you dont wanna lose it.
           Your eyes start getting heavy in a matter of seconds in this zone and you think, "Awe, here it is. Bring on the dreams of Johnny Depp." Then......BAM! INSERT OBNOXIOUS SNORE HERE. You think, "Don't move! Don't even turn your head! Stay in the zone! Maybe he'll stop..." SSSNNNOOORREEE!!! Then you start shiftin your eyes...SSSNNOORREE!! and they get louder and more obnoxious with each snore. So you start to fake snore to be just as obnoxious but that doesnt work. Then ya, "SHHHHHH!!!SHHHH!!!SHHHUT THE FUCK UP!!! He shifts his body and YES! VICTORY! IT'S QUIET AGAIN! I CAN SLEE..... SNORE! AHHHH!!!Then you know you gotta do somethin cuz it is just drivin you insane but you try your hardest to not jepordize the comfy zone. you dont wanna move your arms cuz their the hardest to get right in the comfy zone so you bump him with your hip and it just gets LOUDER. So then you start thinkin' "I wonder if I could get away with murder...." lol na...but seriously sometimes...
                Getting back to the point I think it is psychological. I think that some people just like to have the whole damn bed to themselves and when they feel the threat of their territory being inhabited by another they retaliate by snoring. I think it is the subconciousness's way of growling. I mean even if you try to drown it out by turning on the T.V. it just gets LOUDER. Why is that?

            Short story long, I'm sleepin on the couch tonight... Goodnight everyone...